love

C. S. Lewis once wrote:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your hear will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sureof keeping it itact, you must give your hear to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is hell.

dang. my mom should have shown me this sooner. now its to late. how do you know who to give your heart out to? how do you know who to trust? i thought i was careful, but now im not so sure. i need to give up on relationships because there only hurting me... here comes the next nun.

A day of peace

so last night i had an epiphany that i overwork myself. you see im sick and i havent really given myself anytime to rest and get over my sickness. its been all work work work, homework, school, friends, boyfriend and not really any lauren time. so last night i decided that i would stay home from school today to take care of myself. the only problem with this is, i have lots of homework and cleaning to do. so instead of a me day its gonna be more of a "catching up" day. either way hopefully it will be somewhat more relaxing then school.

2nd thing. i was saving up for a holga, but now my phone charger and phone is broken, so instead im saving up for a phone. poop.

promotion is soon. still gotta get shoes and make hair appointment. im so so so excited though.

i better finish eating and start some more homework. poooooooop.

gloomy day

its hard sometimes. trying to deal with everything going on around you. once you finally have a good day and content in what Gods doing with your life, satan creeps right up and tries to take that away. he will do whatever he can to get you unhappy and alot of the times it works.

lately, i feel like ive been burned by so many people. how am i supposed to know who to trust and who to be vulnerable with. its like the moment you think your getting closer to a person they go and bite you in the butt and thats hard to deal with.

i feel like people judge me. they say im doing wrong but they do the same thing. they dont know me, they dont know the story. i feel like i have to keep proving myself to people to let them know that their believing lies and thats not how it should be. i need to just rest. lie low and focus on the things and people i love. and let God fix the rest. amen.

look at something you love

its sunny today, mothers day tommorrow, surprise birthday party today, got the world on my side. todays been really relaxful. i got up around 8ish from the sound of a goodmorning text message, it made me happy but then i realized that i was to tired to keep texting so i went back to sleep. i woke up at 10:30 to a body so sore. i thought i was paralized. i guess thats what you get from three hours of pe testing. finally got up and stumbled upon some old scrabooks of my moms. it was crazy, i never knew she could take good pictures. they were of europe and mountains and just of all things beautiful in life and then i happened to stumble upon some other great pictures that just really inspired me. im saving up for a Holga, hopefully i have the patience too. but for now i leave you with the pictures that inspired me and maybe the might inspire you? or if pictures arent your thing, look at something you love today, its a beautiful day so go outside and take a walk and breathe and live..