i feel like i have been toO trusting. isnt that always the case? i want to think that everyone is perfect and that no one will let me down. i wanna believe that you can actually have true friends, but at the end of the day, all whos left by me is God. and how amazing he is though, he will never leave your side..
but then again i do want some human companions that are true and genuine. i want people to take me how i am, i dont always do that, but im trying really hard.. i also feel like ive wasted time with people that i new deep down would never work. yeah maybe we had a great friendship and good times, but in the end, something was off.
i also dont want to be to cruel though, because i seem to always jump to conclusions, with everything. thats a major flaw of mine. so sometimes if a person does something it makes me automatically think that we shouldn't be friends. and gosh i hate that about myself. why do i have to be so cynical?
people have been letting me down, hurting me, and going on with their lives like it doesnt affect me at all. maybe my songs can be a little too honest but atleast im sharing what i feel instead of being fake about it. i can admit that i have problems, they come out through my songs. so the fact that someone is offended with reality, with what actually happened i dont get. maybe its just because their in denial. maybe they dont want to remember the past, they want to forget about it, and me.
i thought highschool would be tough in knowing who to talk to and who to keep away from but maybe it wont be as hard as i think. maybe the anger inside of me will speak for itself. its a huge school, they'll have plenty people to talk to. and i wont be one of them.
the only way to believe in the reality but also to move on, i will stay away. no more going back, no more guilt trips. im a full believer in what goes around comes around and i do think that time will tell.
i have the friends who have always been there, even if who they are surprised me. i need to learn imperfection. i need to learn to like it, because at this moment, its my worst enemy.
i need to go into highschool, confident in who i am as a person and let that shine. people who dont accept what i have to offer is fine, but i'd like to surround myself with people who do.
O N L Y G O D I S C O N S T A N T
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2 comments:
I love the questions you are asking. This is totally a crazy time in life for you but so many people don't stop to think about what you are processing. Don't give up on trusting, too many people have a hard time trusting at all which turns into an even worse prison than allowing yourself to just be open to life!
thanks so much for the encouragement lindsay :) i wanna get to know you more, we should go to coffee or something!
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